Yesterday I wrote a post about Nigel showing empathy without being prompted, and today I thought I’d write one to illustrate his development in that area, and how far he’s come.

Nigel has been involved in Scouting since 2004, and it has been entirely positive. He’s been in Boy Scouts for two years and was in Cub Scouts for almost two years. Three years ago, when he was ten, we were attending a monthly Pack Meeting at the elementary school, and there was a stage set up in the gym for the school’s annual talent show, which was held that same week. The Pack Meetings were typically held in the gym, so all the kids had fun climbing on the stage and play-acting. One Scout’s younger sister (about age four) slipped and somehow became wedged in between the stage and the wall behind the stage. She was stuck tight, and it took at least five minutes of planning and carefully moving the stage to get her out. One of her thighs had taken the brunt of being stuck, so it had been scraped, but other than that, she did not appear to be seriously injured, and was mostly crying out of fear.

The whole episode peaked Nigel’s interest. If I had realized the reason behind his interest and taken into account his lack of empathy, I would have stopped him from going over to the worried parents as they comforted their daughter when she was removed from the stage. I would have stopped him anyway, if I had been close enough to him, since I didn’t want him getting in the way. But he was not near me when I saw him walk quickly over to the parents, and I dashed to catch up to him to distract him before he could reach them. I arrived just as he loudly asked, “Can I see the scar?” The mother scowled at him, turned, and walked away carrying her daughter.

I, mortified, apologized to the father and led Nigel away, explaining to him that what he asked was not appropriate when people are hurt. At the time I thought the concept was lost on him. “I didn’t want to touch it; just look at it,” he persisted. But something about my response must have stayed with him. He must have absorbed it, filed it away, as he does with every other piece of information that comes his way. And gradually, over the years, he is learning to apply it, along with every other time I’ve tried to teach him about empathy, what is appropriate to say or not, and what would be the best response in a situation. He is learning that what really matters are people and how they feel. And as evidenced by what happened on the recent backpacking trip, he’s starting to do this on his own.