“Doubt everything. Find your own light.” –Buddha

This is pretty much the flip-side of yesterday’s post. I just found it today and I thought, Yes! Buddha’s all right! This quote is my new credo.

After all, isn’t that what we parents of autistic children do? Every day? We find our own light. We forge our own path.  We don’t take anything for granted.

And that “doubt everything” part. That’s just the ancient version of “question authority.” Good to know that Buddha sanctioned it a couple of millennia ago. Maybe there is something to this Enlightenment idea.

“To live here and now you must train yourself: In the seen there will be just the seen, in the heard just the heard, in the sensed just the sensed, in the thought just the thought. That is the end of sorrow.” –Buddha

As an adolescent I became attracted to Buddhism, but it was nothing that I pursued. Enlightenment sounded peaceful, desirable, but I had other things to do. I thought that someday, if I ever wanted to be affiliated with an organized religion again, it would be Buddhism.

Recently I came across the above quote and have pondered it for several days. “The end of sorrow”? The only way to not experience sorrow is to not be attached to anyone. I can isolate what I see, hear, sense, and think. But no matter how enlightened I am, I will certainly feel sorrow when a loved one dies. I will certainly feel sorrow when a loved one is in pain. I will certainly feel sorrow when my children are 700 miles away for seven weeks.

And so I thought, Buddha must not have had children if he devised this method to not experience sorrow. And when I did some research, I discovered that he did indeed have a wife and a son, whom he left at birth when he went off to do his Enlightenment search. And he was gone for seven years. As a sole parent ten months out of the year, this made me not think too highly of Buddha. All my life I had erroneously thought that Buddha had been some solitary prophet, wandering around learning and teaching. Granted, his wife and son lived in a palace, but the fact remains that he abandoned them for his search for Enlightenment. Okay, it was for the greater good, but I still don’t like it. Seven years is a long time.

But enough of the Buddha-bashing. I’m still attracted to the peaceful, meditative ways of Buddhism. And, if I think about it, I can even rationalize and accept the fact that Buddha left his family to gain some clarity. I feel that way now, with my children away for seven weeks. I climbed a mountain. I’m writing more, talking less. Meditating, reading. But I miss my boys. Enlightened or not, for me the “end of sorrow” will be when they come home.