As most moms do, I have a delightful collection of handmade gifts from my children, dating from pre-school Christmas decorations to middle school woodshop creations. I have hand-painted ceramic plates (one with a lion and one with a tiger), glazed foot and hand print castings, hand-shaped terra cotta pots, various paintings and drawings, a wooden whale key holder, a miniature hand-woven scarf (because full-size would have taken too long, I was told), juice-can-lid magnets, a beaded caterpillar, a popsicle stick picture frame (who doesn’t have one of those?), and a Lego heart. And even though I assure my kids that I still like the handmade gifts the best, in recent years they often like to have the experience of picking out a gift for me at the store and buying it with their allowance.

For Christmas this past year, I made it easy for them and requested candles. Both of them had done many trial runs through check stands before, so they knew the drill, but this was their first time completely unassisted. I told them what part of the store I would be in and told them to come and find me after they had made their purchase. Success! They selected some lovely candles to wrap up for me and even had some money left over for some candy for themselves (not part of the instructions, but, oh well).

For Mother’s Day, I decided to make it a little more challenging and made an open request with some suggestions from which they could choose. I wanted them to have some experience in choosing gifts not just for me, but for anyone in their lives as they get older. “When you get a gift for someone, you need to think about things that the person likes and let that influence your choice,” I told them. I then reminded them of some things I like: candles, little bamboo plants, Snickers, kettle corn, SoBe Black & Blue Berry Brew  – perfect little treats for Mother’s Day. We got to the store and I reminded them where things were, told them to have the gifts double-bagged so I wouldn’t see what they’d bought, and then went to my designated waiting spot. The boys got separated and we ended up looking for Nigel for ten minutes, but that’s less time than it usually takes to find him! Not too bad for the second buying-gifts-alone venture. I couldn’t wait until Sunday to see what they had picked out for me!

As usual, they really surprised me. They both eschewed the edible (or burnable) suggestions and went for something with permanence. Aidan bought a pretty miniature rose plant that’s actually supposed to be planted in the ground. “That way Sheba won’t get it,” he said, reminding me of our indoor cat who has destroyed all of my houseplants. A very wise gift, indeed.

And Nigel? Nigel went for something completely different, remembering something I like that I hadn’t mentioned on the way to the store – tigers. I have photos or paintings of tigers in every room of the house (and one on my arm). Nigel bought a tiger figurine to put on my desk. But what he said as he gave it to me makes it even more meaningful: I got you this tiger to honor your independent spirit. How does an autistic teen see a personality trait like that in someone and link it to their favorite animal? Sometimes he really astounds me with what he is capable of.

I thanked him profusely for his thoughtful – and insightful – gift. He really knows his mom! And you know what? I like these store-bought gifts just as much as the handmade ones. There’s something to be said for a truly thoughtful gift, no matter if you make it or buy it.