“Independent functioning is not simply the ability to do something, but also the ability to decide what to do. It is not only the ability to take care of oneself. It is also the ability to take responsibility for oneself.” — Elaine Heffner (20th century), U.S. psychiatrist and author

Michelle at The Sneathen Family Site, one of the blogs I read regularly, posed an excellent question at the end of a recent post. She asked, “When, if ever, have you let your kids stay home for short periods on their own?” And since one of the most common searches used to find Teen Autism is “should an autistic teen be left home alone,” I thought I would do a search myself. There are plenty of parenting sites out there that offer guidelines for non-autistic kids and staying home alone. Given the fact that I couldn’t find much when I added autism into the mix, I figured that this subject warranted a post.

I started letting Nigel stay home alone for short periods starting at age twelve. We began with 20-minute increments and worked our way up to a few hours. I felt comfortable with that only after he had shown proficiency in the following areas:

1) Being able to call out if necessary and taking periodic check-in calls from Mom

2) Not opening the door for anyone, unless it’s the neighbor yelling “Fire!” Fortunately, that second part has not happened.

3) Knowing how to get out of the house quickly and where to go if something blows up

4) Staying in the house the entire time unless something blows up

5) Not doing anything that could cause anything to blow up

I reluctantly admit that we have had problems with items 4 and 5 on that list, resulting in the suspension of staying-home-alone privileges for periods of time. Apparently, the euphoria of being home alone sometimes causes my son to climb the 40-foot high tree in the backyard or set the couch cover on fire using a magnifying glass. Thus, he is also working on impulse control. For an autistic teen yearning to be independent, this is quite motivating, because he detests having his home-alone privileges revoked.

So, basically, what it boils down to is a combination of verbal ability and safety awareness. If Nigel did not have the ability to use the phone in an emergency, I would not consider leaving him home alone. His safety awareness has been developing for the past few years, and even though he “forgets” the home-alone rules once in a while, he is constantly improving. Someday, I may even return his magnifying glass to him.