I suppose this is what it means to be the parent of an autistic teen. I start thinking Wow, he’s been doing really well lately, functioning, talking, responding well to the medication, being more independent. This is great! And then Blam! The phone rings, or I go to pick him up from somewhere, and someone starts to tell me that it’s really not great, that there have been problems. And then I get that brick in my gut and go into apology mode and why me? mode and I just wonder how much more I can take of this.

I went to pick Nigel up yesterday afternoon after the Scout camping trip he had been on. It was Friday night, Saturday all day, Saturday night, and they came home Sunday morning. He’s done so much with his troop that I figured he’d be fine for two nights and one full day. It had been hot there, and he didn’t just withdraw, he got mean. He complained endlessly, he told his patient Scoutmaster that he wouldn’t help clean or do any of his duties unless he would be taken home. He made everyone miserable and acted inappropriately.

I think the problem is that he just doesn’t realize when his behavior is inappropriate. He can’t regulate himself very well. The autism makes him think of himself and so he doesn’t sensor his reaction to things. He doesn’t care what anyone thinks of his whining and complaining, or care that a 13-year-old shouldn’t act that way.

And so I try to tell him. Again. And again. But I think what will do me the most good is to realize that this is how it is. Just because he’s doing well for a few weeks unfortunately does not mean that we’re in the clear. I need to accept that there will always be setbacks. I try not to think of my apprehension about his behavior as he gets older. He wants to attend the local public high school in a little over a year. He wants to go to college. All I can do is hope that he will continue to mature, to develop. We’ll cross those bridges when we come to them.