Category Archives: Poetry

Motherhood

I never thought it would be like this . . .

That my child would cry so much for so long

Or have great difficulty in learning to talk

That one would shriek and writhe on the floor because someone flushed a toilet or turned on a coffee grinder

And the other would only eat four foods and couldn’t learn to ride a bike

I never thought that my children would have special needs

That I would be a single parent

That I would have to attend so many meetings and therapy appointments

That I would have to mastermind my son’s education

That I would homeschool him for eighteen months

I never thought that my older son would wander and get lost

And that my younger son would have to help look for his older brother

Or that I would still grieve whenever I heard young children talking . . .

I never thought my heart could be so full

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I never thought it would be like this . . .

That one child would learn to read at age three and the other at age nine

That the one who lacked imaginative play would someday love fiction

And the other, who couldn’t hold a pencil, would become an artist

I never thought it would be so monumental to take a nine-year-old into a grocery store without a sensory meltdown

Or that a fifteen-year-old’s first unprompted ‘thank you’ would be so gratifying

I never thought that one son could play on a team sport, attend a concert, or enjoy the theater

Or that the other son would design his own video games and become a voracious reader

I never thought anything could give me as much peace as when they get home safely each day

That there would be so many “little” things to celebrate

Or that through my sons I would meet such wonderful friends of my own

I never thought that the emergence of voice inflection would be such an unexpected gift

Or that I would weep with joy when my son made a new friend . . .

I never thought my heart could be so full

What We Know

Love, the simplicity of it

At first, that is all we know

When our children enter our lives

Some of us learn early on

That things will be different

That our lives will take an unexpected turn

Some will find out later

That we must take on a new persona

And ask questions without answers, such as

Why

But some of our questions will be answered

In time

We will come to know

More about ourselves

Than we ever expected to

We know that we are vulnerable

No matter how many well-wishers

Revere our strength

We know how hard it really is

Love, the complexity of it

We know

That there aren’t any instruction books

Yet we keep reading them

We acclimate to our reality the best we can

And when we think of our children’s futures

Ultimately we will come to realize that

So much of what we know

Is what we don’t know

And we learn to live with that

Through it all, we come back to the one constant

That keeps us moving forward

When everything else is stripped away

The reason why we have been here all along

Why we do what we do

How we know

What we know

Love, the simplicity of it

Autism in Bloom

It is painful

To watch you struggle, but

To see you dream

Is more rewarding

Than I could have imagined

Back when we were

Just trying to get through the day

Now

Our challenges have changed

But our triumphs are just as sweet

You are a rare but tenacious plant

Striving to bloom, to thrive

In difficult conditions

Your needs are different

Than those of other plants

But so are your dreams