Is summer over yet?
Don’t get me wrong. I’m a heat-seeker. I thrive on the warmth, crave it all year. So I love the weather. But I hate missing my kids.
This is their ninth summer in Los Angeles with their dad, 700 miles away from me. For nine summers I have sat at my desk and stared at their pictures and talked to them on the phone. My “conversations” with Nigel haven’t always been on track, but he’s gotten better as the years have gone by. And I’m just glad that he has the ability to talk on the phone in the first place. Because that wasn’t always the case. These nine years have brought so many changes.
So I sit here, looking at my desk photos, clicking through summer posts from 2008 and 2009, wondering what the heck I wrote about when my kids weren’t even here. I wrote about several phone conversations, and I did a series on Nigel’s early development. I wrote book reviews and posted about miscellaneous autism and special needs topics. Last summer I wrote about my incredible trip to Nepal for autism education.
But this summer I find myself at a loss for material. My main sources of inspiration are not in my presence to say funny or profound things. Our phone conversations consist of what-did-you-do-today and I-miss-you and the occasional movie idea/obsession monologue.
But the real reason is that I’m not at my emotional best right now. I’m disjointed without my boys, I’m disappointed that my moving plans aren’t coming together, and I’m disheartened in general. Plan B will go into effect soon, and it’s a letdown. I can dress it up and say that I’m hopeful, but it’s not at all what I had hoped for. It just doesn’t seem right – or fair – to have the blues in the summer. But I do.