Please note, this originally appeared as a guest post on a blog that is no longer available.
Remember what was said when we were kids and a friend gave us something? “You can have it for keeps.” And it meant that we didn’t have to give it back. “Keep” is a word with many different meanings. We hear various phrases: “Keep up the good work!” or “Keep in touch!” or “Earn your keep!” and “Finders keepers!” It means “to maintain possession of,” “to continue, perform, observe, fulfill,” “to preserve and care for,” “board and lodging,” “to hold,” and “to endure.”
But a keep is also the stronghold of a castle, a fortress. The keep is the most resilient part. It’s what holds everything together during an attack. And in each of us, it’s what helps us to endure the rough patches of our lives. Whether we have special needs children or are recovering from an addiction or have lost a loved one, we need to find our inner keep to see us through. For many, it’s God, for others, it’s their health, their goals, their home, or their family. It can be all of the above, or something entirely different.
As the single parent of two sons, one with autism, I discovered my inner keep a few years ago. It is my energy. I’m not really referring to physical energy, although that certainly helps. I’m talking about mental energy, emotional energy, and spiritual energy. I learned that if I didn’t nourish my mind, my heart, and my spirit as well as my body, there would be no way that I could nourish my children. I learned this because I used to have co-workers and acquaintances say to me, “You’re so strong.” And I knew that they meant well, of course, but little did they know that those words – meant to encourage – would only succeed in making me want to break down and cry. I was going through the motions, doing what I had to do to get through my stressful life. “Strong” was the last thing I felt like. I felt like a piece of burned paper that would crumble to ashes at the slightest touch. I felt entirely the opposite of how I appeared to be. A hug from a friend would make me fall apart. I hadn’t found my keep. I didn’t know I needed to.
Slowly it became clear to me what I needed to feel stronger, to make the façade a reality. I started by taking care of my physical self – getting more sleep as the boys got older, eating healthier food and taking vitamins, and doing a little yoga at home. Soon, not only did my body feel better, my spirit did, too. The yoga helped to quiet my mind, which led to trying different types of meditation. The meditation led to the realization that I had isolated myself and needed to correct that in order to nourish my emotional energy. It was a wonderful domino effect. And all of it combined to help me feel whole – and stronger. Now when people tell me that I’m strong, I don’t feel like crying. My life certainly still feels stressful on any given day, but I don’t feel like I’m barely hanging on.
No matter what you’re going through, I encourage you to find your keep. Find what strengthens you and nourish it, whether it’s your faith, your family, or your frame of mind. Whatever it is, it’s for keeps.