Executive Compromise

A short conversation with Nigel last night –

Me: Nigel, you really need to clean up your room. I can’t even see the floor in there.

Nigel: The floor is purposeless.

Me: No, it is not ‘purposeless.’ The floor is for walking on to get across the room.

Nigel: Walking is purposeless.

Me: You’re not making sense. Of course walking has a purpose.

Nigel: Well, it’s too hard to clean my room.

And so, the room-cleaning saga continues. Some of you may recall the ideas I came up with in the past to address this issue, such as listing specific steps to clean the room, making chore charts, using positive and negative reinforcement, and trying to inject humor into the situation. All of those things worked a few times; none of them work now. With five full inches of trash, clothing, books, DVDs, papers, and Lego strewn across his entire floor, I had to dig deeper to come up with a solution.

I remembered Mama Mara’s post from a few months ago discussing the concept of executive control and her son’s room, and I used that to fuel my search. I searched for more about executive control/function, and specifically, cleaning up rooms. I found a video on Autism Children Now that was quite helpful. The subject, a woman with Asperger’s, discusses the fact that ASD individuals have a different perception of what is organized. It reminded me of the following exchange I overheard between Nigel and Aidan a few years ago:

Aidan: You’re using my toothbrush, Nigel! Mine’s the one with the stickers on it.

Nigel: Sorry, my brain is not good with memorizing things like that.

Aidan: That’s because you’re not organized!

The Aspergian woman in the video maintained that when it appears that autistic people’s living areas are disorganized, the spaces aren’t disorganized to them. They know where everything is. And while I am sure that this is true in many cases, unfortunately it’s not with Nigel. He doesn’t know where everything is. Things get lost in his room, swallowed up. Last weekend he had an overnight Scout camping trip, and while packing he could not find his flashlight, compass, Swiss Army knife, or even any socks, all of which were buried. We had to go out and buy these things at the last minute, which did not make me happy. I could dock his allowance for these items, but that really doesn’t help him to learn how to be more organized.

What to do? The woman in the video made an important point: compromise is the key word. Compromise on organization, and do not be abstract in your instructions. I can’t just say, “Nigel, you need to organize your room better.” What I can do is compromise on the things that I want him to have organized. For example, I can have him agree to the following:

  • Daily trash pick-up, every evening at the same time
  • Socks go directly in laundry bin when taken off
  • Scout items or other easily lost items put in a designated spot

I would love to have him clean his room thoroughly every week, but I know this is not possible for him. I would love to have all of his clothes in his dresser, closet, or in the laundry instead of on the floor, the books and DVDs on the actual shelves that are set up for them, the papers in stacks or files, and everything organized the way the rest of my house is. But there’s no compromise in that. With the 3-step list, he won’t feel overwhelmed, and I don’t have to hear “I don’t have any socks” or “I can’t find my flashlight/compass/scissors/wallet” anymore. And, if I’m really lucky, I won’t have to wade through five inches of trash to tuck him in bed every night.

9 thoughts on “Executive Compromise

  1. mama mara

    Amen! Our new rule for Taz is that, once a week, he has to pile all the stuff from his floor onto his bed so I can vacuum. Afterward, he dumps everything back on the floor, where it apparently belongs, in his world at least.

    One less battleground, indeed!

    (Thanks for the shout-out, darlin’)

  2. Kate

    That sounds like a good compromise. I’m not so good at the whole keeping my room clean thing myself, although I have had to become so lately due to living at my parents’.

  3. Carrie

    I think you make some excellent points. Even if someone came up with a great plan for me being good at math, it wouldn’t work. Someone would need to break it down to the bare minimum to survive.

  4. Fearless Females

    Ha! Good Ideas… and I knew a women who was super messy at work—her desk was a complete disaster, but could locate anything within seconds…. wow.

    Nick likes to be organized and know where everything is, or else he would never find anything… unfortunately it is to some fault–lately, I’ve found him putting away his dirty clothes back on its hanger , including dirty underwear back in its drawer!! Ewwwww!! Apparently, we need to revise that part of our plan….


  5. Michelle S

    I wrote a blog a while back about Daniel’s room too. At least part of it. It, to me has stuff everywhere. Mostly things all over every flat surface that he likes “displayed”. BUT he puts all of his dirty clothes immediately into his laundry bin as well as used towels. Because of this his floor is clean and (not purposeless!) and he makes his bed every day! hopefully if you could just get him to put his clothes away it would help!

  6. Tera

    Ugh, I just keep Kaeden’s door closed so I don’t have to look at it all! haha We also helped him to organize better by removing everything but his closet, bed, and one shelf from his room. He has nothing other than his very most prized possessions in there, which has helped tremendously. But the clothing is still a major issue. He cannot remove one t-shirt from his closet, but pullls out the entire stack which tumbles to the floor and mixes in with all the dirty stuff, getting hauled along as he walks over it. It infuriates me (I despise laundrry!!!) So, it’s still a major work in progress. I’m going to check out those links. Interesting.

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