Teen Autism

I couldn’t wait to reread this book to write the review. That’s how much I love it.

Author Mark Haddon has created, in my view, a realistic fictional autistic teen with an amazing way of describing the life and people that surround him. But what I love most about the book is how much the main character, 15-year-old Christopher, reminds me of my son Nigel (aside from the fact that Christopher is incredibly good at math, and Nigel is at the opposite end of that spectrum). I love experiencing Christopher’s usually detached observation, his mannerisms that are so close to home for me. I could identify with the intense love coupled with the equally intense frustration that his father feels raising him alone. When I read Christopher’s thought processes (portrayed so well by Haddon), I recognize what Nigel has been able to convey to me about his own.

I love reading about Christopher’s determination to do things himself, which reminds me so much of my son. Christopher’s love of animals is touching and also familiar, as are his attempts to understand the complexities of emotions and his need to always give the exact minute when telling time. He tries hard to manage his sensory issues and asks people for help when he needs it. He is persistent about the things that are important to him, like taking a high-level math test, and being a detective.

I won’t say anything about the plot of the book because it is so captivating; the only way to appreciate it is to read it and experience it yourself. And besides, it is a mystery. I wouldn’t want to spoil it. Christopher points out at the beginning, “This is a murder mystery novel,” and in trying to solve it, he discovers another one that changes everything. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time is tender, moving, and beautifully written. It’s also a quick read, which is good in a way, because you’ll want to read it again and again.

I mentioned in a recent post how eating organic food has made a big difference in our family’s health, and I wanted to go into more detail about that. In the past two years, I have had only one mild illness, over in two days, and the boys have each had only two mild illnesses. I used to have spring allergies so bad that I would need to be on Claritin-D for two months straight. Not since I started eating organic food.  My nose still gets a little itchy and I sneeze a bit, but at least I can breathe at night.  I have not experienced any major congestion in two years.

The great thing about organic food is that you don’t have to buy everything organic to notice the benefits. All you have to do to get started is to look at what you consume every day and choose one of those items and buy it organic. For me, I almost always have cold cereal and milk for breakfast. So do my sons. We started drinking organic milk and noticed the difference right away. For one thing, it tastes so much better than non-organic, somehow fresher and more flavorful. I switched my cereal to an organic brand, and Nigel’s also. (Aidan is addicted to his Crispix. He’s an even pickier eater than Nigel.)

Next I looked at what else we eat a lot of in our house: fruit. Both boys eat apples every day, so I started buying organic apples. Yes, they are more expensive, but our health is worth it. And neither of the boys got sick at all until almost a year later, when the next school year started. A nasty flu was going around, but they were only down for two days. And I didn’t get sick at all.

I started buying more organic fruit, yogurt, eggs, and tried some organic meat. Words can’t accurately describe how much better it all tastes. I’m not saying that I’ll never go back to non-organic. On the contrary - I would say that at this point the percentage of my diet that is organic is probably only half, or less than half. I’m not the type of guest at a potluck who passes up a great-looking dish because it’s non-organic. And on the rare occasions I eat out, I don’t ask if anything’s organic. Eating organic isn’t like being a vegetarian or vegan - it’s not all or nothing, unless you want it to be. Another great thing about organic food is that it cuts out all the chemicals - the artificial colors, flavors, sweeteners, and preservatives present in most non-organic food that can be so detrimental to the functioning of an autistic person, as I mentioned in my previous post.

Try switching to organic even for just one or two items that you eat on a regular basis. It’s definitely worth the effort.  

Last week a friend of mine found a lost dog, a little Yorkie, running around in a street in our town, and she picked him up so he wouldn’t get hit. There was no owner information on his tag, so she called the animal shelter, but no one had reported him yet.  She then proceeded to go door-to-door in that neighborhood trying to find the owner and finally did. The Yorkie, Sam, belonged to two older ladies, sisters living together. They were ecstatic to have him back and invited my friend in for tea.

The younger-looking sister was tall and thin and began telling my friend all sorts of wonderful stories about Sam, going off on tangents about their family members, places they’d traveled, and other dogs they’d owned. The older-looking sister, who was shorter and appeared to have osteoporosis, would periodically roll her eyes and say with urgency, “Focus, Martha, focus!”

I laughed as my friend told the story, envisioning the exchange. It reminded me of all the times, especially in the past few months of homeschooling, when I had to redirect Nigel by telling him to focus on what we were doing. I often have to remind myself to focus with all the different projects and distractions I have going on. Focusing is how we achieve our goals in the face of daily life. It’s also how to keep things short and sweet when a stranger returns a lost pet. “Focus, Martha, focus!” I had to write that on a Post-it note and stick it on my monitor. It’s the best advice I’ve heard all week.

Yesterday I noticed at Café Press that there are a lot (thousands!) of great autism awareness T-shirts available. Some of my favorites can be seen by going to this link and then just clicking through the pages. “What? Is my autism showing?” is good, “Hang on, I know I have a social story for this” made me laugh, “Yes, my son has autism. No, he’s not like Rainman” is another good one, “When children cannot learn, it’s time to change the way we teach” hit home with me, as did “Parenting advice not appreciated unless you also have an autistic child.” Amen to that! I think I’ll buy that one! Wish I had it years ago!

There are so many good ones. One I really like is “got autism?” styled like the “got milk?” ads. I don’t know how Nigel would feel about wearing it, though. His favorite T-shirt has a silhouette of Bigfoot on it and says “I believe” across the bottom. He proudly wears it everywhere.

And then I saw a T-shirt that read “Autistic and proud” and I got chills and a lump in my throat. Nigel would probably feel self-conscious about wearing it. But I think the reason why it resonated with me is because I’m so proud of him. Yes, there are plenty of T-shirts that read “I’m proud of my autistic son/daughter/brother/sister/grandchild/etc.” on them. And those are great. But ultimately, I want my son to be proud of himself and all that he has accomplished: wanting to communicate, learning to talk, which was so difficult for him, figuring out how to filter his sensory issues (equally difficult), learning about all the social expectations of this NT world and dealing with its ignorance. But even if he hadn’t done all of that, I would still want him to be proud of his unique, amazing self. All auties should be “Autistic and proud.” I salute every one of them.

Over the weekend, I did some looking around online at autism sites written by “auties.” (I’m still getting used to that word, which is why I put it in quotations. It took me eight years to come to terms with using the word “autistic,” so “autie” will sound different to me for a while.) I was sad to see that many of them are quite bitter. I can’t say that I blame them, because with the harassment and ignorance that Nigel has dealt with, I’m sure there are plenty of other auties who have experienced the same treatment. And as they head into adulthood, that’s a lot of accumulated years of negative exchanges.   

I found a bumper sticker that says: “Cure Neurotypicals now!” And in smaller print below: “Offended? Good. Now you know how we feel.” Meant to be funny, I presume, with an ounce (at least) of seriousness. But some of the web sites I viewed over the weekend seemed just plain angry. I want to tell the authors something, with all my heart.

 I’m sorry for how you’ve been treated. You have every right to be angry. But holding on to that anger will only make you feel worse. Remaining angry will not alleviate the anger. Remaining angry will not punish the people who hurt you. Remaining angry will only hurt you. Please, for your emotional well-being, channel your anger into something positive, like creating an online support group for others who have experienced the same thing. You will know you are not alone, and you’ll feel at least a little better.

Nigel gets angry about bullies. Most likely, as he gets older he will experience more bullying and more ignorance. I don’t like thinking about what he has gone through, what he will continue to face, how things will be for him in high school, possibly college, a future workplace, and the general community. I hope that I’ve given him a strong enough base of love and self-worth that he can successfully let go of his anger and not allow it to consume him.

I don’t want Nigel to feel bitter when he’s an adult. I want him to feel cherished, appreciated for who he is, and important. I want him to feel loved.

I found out an amazing coincidence yesterday. I ran into an acquaintance of mine from a couple of years ago, and we started talking about our sons, since we remembered that we both have sons of approximately the same age. It turns out that his son and Nigel were born on the exact same day, same year, same hospital, within two hours and fifty minutes of each other. Bizarre. I thought, aside from the autism, they must be a lot alike.

And that got me thinking. Out of the seven or so babies born in that place at that time, we were visited by the Autism Fairy. The luck of the draw. But I don’t think that in a Why us? sort of way. There are times, like when I was at work and the school would call me about a behavioral problem, and when I was at the movie theater and the manager and Nigel came to me in the middle of the movie, that I think Why me? at that moment, because I am stressed. But my big-picture thought process is more accepting.

I’ve heard it said that God, or the Universe, won’t give you anything more than you can handle. And if I had a dollar for every time I cried, “I can’t handle this!” I could easily buy myself a nice case of wine. But you do what you have to, you get through it, and, ultimately, you handle it. Maybe not optimally. But you do the best you can.

Because I believe that we were chosen to have autism be a part of our life’s journey. We are a special needs family. And the Autism Fairy visited the right room in the hospital that day. I’m sure of that.

It can be extremely difficult to regulate your autistic child’s diet. I know that song and dance all too well. But it is something we parents must attempt. Diet - what we put into our bodies - affects our health even more than most of us realize, and this is certainly true for autistic individuals, as evidenced by the success of the GF/CF diet. But since we did not have a successful experience with that, I have modified Nigel’s diet over the years to one that seems to work the best for him. Following are seven suggestions for diet modification:

1) Try the GF/CF diet. It might benefit your child. Be sure to maintain consistency with it for several weeks to accurately gauge its effectiveness.

2) Limit sweeteners, especially artificial ones. Nigel is okay with the occasional bit of natural sugar that crosses his path, even a little corn syrup now and then, but he absolutely cannot have any artificial sweeteners. He becomes completely agitated and unmanageable, reverts to echolalia, and general chaos ensues. That means mainstream sodas (Coke, Pepsi, etc.) are out, but once in a while I allow him to have some even though I regret it later. He is particularly sensitive to Aspartame, which I’ve read many bad things about on the internet.

3) Limit other chemicals: artificial colors, flavors, and preservatives. I’ve read that the Red No.-whatever colors are the worst, but the rest can’t be far behind. We frequent the natural foods section of various grocery stores and buy all of our cereals and snacks there. No Trix or rainbow-colored goldfish crackers!

4) Try organic food. Yes, there’s been a lot of debate about if it’s worth the extra cost or if the money’s all in the organic labeling. That may be true in some cases, but know this: In the past two years since I started buying organic food, and not everything - just about one-third of the food we consume is organic - I have only been sick once and it was extremely mild. Both of my sons have only been sick twice. Twice, in two whole years! And those were also mild illnesses. For kids, that’s pretty amazing. I am sold on organic foods no matter what I read or what anyone says. They are so much better for your health. They automatically exclude artificial colors, flavors, sweeteners, and preservatives. And pesticides! And they taste far better, too.  I think I’ll write a whole post about organic food.

5) Push fruit. Fruit aids the digestive system and is full of vitamins. Of course, consuming vegetables is just as important, but if your child balks at most vegetables (like mine), you may have better luck with fruit since it is sweeter.

6) Encourage water consumption. This will be very difficult if your child acts like water is poison. My younger son used to fall into that category. I was able to get him to drink more water by bargaining with him with what he wanted: If you drink half a glass of water, then you can have a glass of lemonade.

7) Limit meat consumption. Meat is more difficult to digest, so I cook with smaller amounts and on fewer days of the week. You don’t have to cut something out completely to see the benefits of scaling back.